One of the most important things you can do for your children is to be healthy yourself. If you are stressed and tired, you are not giving enough to yourself. Stress can be the cause of a wide variety of ailments and serious disease, from allergies to pain to heart attacks. I've had to learn about taking care of myself the hard way. I know how to deal with stress since I've studied it extensively and used to teach stress management. I'm the first person to lovingly tell others to take care of themselves. I used to take care of myself by meditating and getting massages regularly, hiking in nature and taking plenty of time for me.

Then I became a mother. Being a single mother and the sole provider for the two of us, I was focusing on just two things - my daughter and making a living. I had a home business and busy massage therapy practice. There were simply not enough hours in the week to do everything, so taking care of myself had not even entered into the picture. Knowing that I need to take time for me is not enough. The trick is to figure out how to do it and still meet the needs of my daughter while continuing to pay the bills.

When my daughter was age two, I was given a wake-up call. My body gave out. I had so much pain in my neck and shoulder that I could barely function. I also found myself completely drained and in a state of deep exhaustion from lack of sleep. This was very alarming since I did not know how we were going to survive if I could not work. Who was going to take care of my daughter if I couldn't?

Realizing the severity of the situation, I decided I had to get away if I was to get any rest; if only for one night. I was amazed at how easy it was to set this up. It took about 20 minutes to make a few phone calls to set up a mini-retreat. I drove my tired body to a remote cabin in the forest only 20 miles away. There was a hot tub, sauna, pool, comfortable bed and, best of all, peace and tranquillity. I also arranged a massage and an acupuncture treatment for myself. Basically, all I could do at the cabin was sleep and rest, but this was something I could not do at home. I had to actually step out of my life for about 30 hours. 30 wonderful hours of no work and not taking care of anyone but me.

How many times have you said you would love to get away to a little retreat but it's "just not possible"? Perhaps you have a baby or toddler that is not ready to be away from you all night. Short day retreats can be just as wonderful. You don't have to do an overnight. Or you can take naps with your baby or begin to do regular infant massage. Giving a massage to your baby can be relaxing and nurturing to you as well as your baby. The point is to make it a priority to carve out time for relaxation whenever you can. We must regularly do the things that foster peace and serenity in our daily lives. We must turn off the noise and busyness that has become so common. Unless we are regularly taking care of ourselves, our bodies will call for attention. If we do not listen to the call, they will begin to scream. When our bodies scream for attention, they do it with pain or serious disease. If we let it get to that point, then everyone suffers for then we can't take care of our children.

My little breakdown would never have happened if I were listening to the clues my body was giving me and gave myself rest and relaxation regularly. If I had been receiving massages once or twice a month all along, I may not have needed three within one week, along with acupuncture. The retreat was exactly what I needed, but it would have been better if I had been doing it periodically with joy instead in an emergency when I could barely move.

Yes, our children need us to be there for them wholly and completely. But we need to be whole and complete in order to take care of them well. We need to be happy and healthy first before we can have happy, healthy children. We can't teach our children how to be healthy without modeling it ourselves. Nor can we look to anyone else to make us healthy. Health practitioners or doctors may be able to assist us in our healing process, but true health must come from deep within ourselves. This is our responsibility. True holistic health means to be sound and vibrantly well on all levels of being - physically, emotional, mentally and spiritually. To be truly healthy, we need to address each of these aspects.

Meditation and Yoga

Meditation is a practice that can address all of these aspects by renewing our minds and bodies as well as nourishing us emotionally and spiritually. There are many types of meditation. It doesn't have to be religion-oriented. When we meditate, we shut out the hullabaloo and distractions of our busy lives and connect to our soul or to whatever supreme being we may believe in. Daily spiritual practice is important to our sense of well-being and peace of mind. Yoga is a form of meditation and exercise that provides deep relaxation for the mind and body.

Massage Therapy

Massage therapy can enhance every system of the body, as well as emotional and mental well-being. Massage is one of the best things going to relieve stress, quiet your mind, and soothe your aches and pains. Ask around to find a good massage therapist in your area. If you don't think you can afford it, begin putting a few dollars into a massage fund on a regular basis. When it reaches $40 or $50, you may be able to get a massage. Massages can cost anywhere from $40 to $150, depending on the type of treatment and where you live. It never hurts to ask if a therapist will accept less money than the normal fee. Some do a sliding scale and others may even do a trade for a service you provide. The point here is that if you are really committed to receiving a massage, then nothing can stop you. There is always a way to work it out.

Aromatherapy Baths

Very few things are more relaxing than a hot aromatherapy bath at the end of a long day. Make this a ritual; your special time with no interruptions. After the kids are asleep, take the phone off the hook, fix some relaxing herbal tea, light candles and put on soothing music. Take as long as you need to unwind and feel at peace. The healing properties of plants, in the form of essential oils, added to the therapeutic power of water is a very effective way to relieve stress.

Essential Oils

Essential oils can also give relief to muscular pain, skin conditions and even depression, depending on the choice of oils added to the bath. Lavender relaxes, eases muscular tension and promotes sound sleep. Clary sage has antidepressant properties with calming, uplifting, euphoric effects. Clary sage is also good for PMS, menstrual cramps and menopausal symptoms. Roman chamomile helps to relax and relieve PMS, anxiety and tension. German chamomile soothes red, inflamed, sensitive skin and allergic conditions such as eczema, psoriasis and itchy, dry skin. It is also used for inflamed joints and muscular pain. Marjoram can ease muscular pain as well. Chamomile, clary sage, lavender, marjoram, neroli, sandalwood and ylang ylang are oils that are both sedative and antidepressant, while bergamot, geranium, melissa and rose can help to lift the mood without sedating. A great evening bath to relax in is 12 drops of lavender and 3 drops of neroli.

Elements of a Healthy Lifestyle

Good nutrition, physical exercise, relaxation, spirituality, positive thinking, fun, laughter, creative expression, love, intimacy and sexuality are all necessary elements that we must make time for if we want to be healthy. Which of these elements are missing from your life? Begin to incorporate them into your life now so you can avoid a healing crisis and live with vitality.

Self-Love

Can we learn to love ourselves as much as we love our children? We must if we are to truly instill self-love in our children. The most important thing we can do for our children is to teach them to love themselves. The best way to teach this is to model it. During your daily meditation, visualize the face(s) of your child(ren) and feel the intense love you have for them. Really get into this feeling. Now hug yourself and direct this strong love toward yourself. Feel it flowing through your entire body. Keep hugging yourself and say, "I am worthy of self-love and attention. I take time to nourish and nurture myself." Find ways to value yourself on a regular basis. Do the things that bring you joy.

Plan of Action

If you've always given to others and rarely to yourself, you may encounter some resistance to this change from your kids, or maybe even your husband, when you begin to take time for yourself. You may need to explain to them the reasons why this is so important, not only for you but for them as well. Write up a plan of action for taking care of yourself regularly, sign it and have your husband and children sign it so they know how serious you are. Include them in the planning. Ask them what they would like to do while you're away to make it special for them. My daughter's very first night sleeping anywhere else but in my bed next to me was an adventure of true delight for her. She now looks forward to sleeping over at her friend's house.

When you need alone time, let your children know that this alone time is for them as well. We can teach our children that we need quiet time and so do they. Children can also be taught to meditate and do yoga right along with you. Make sure you let them know that you are not abandoning them. You are doing something that benefits them as well as you. Most of all, let them know how much you value yourself. The art of self-love is a wonderful gift to pass down to a child.